Torrey

I will not be graduating from college this weekend. Many of my friends will be but I won't. I will be graduating from the Torrey Honors program and, truth be told, that is enough for me to feel accomplished. I've struggled with this program for the last four years of my life; nearly getting kicked out, hating everyone who was smarter then me, and hating myself for being in a program like this were just a few of the stupidities that I had to work through over the course of these 4 years. I'm not the same person I was when I came to college. A lot has changed and I forget that sometimes. I think that I've changed for the best but I don't know if we will really know that until later. One thing that has changed and that I notice constantly is that I am happier. Not in the, "fluffy feelings all the time," sense but I was miserable before I came to college and during these four year, I've been forced to confront and deal with many of the things that were causing me so much grief. It has almost been like one big therapy session that's slowly bankrupting me but I'm glad that it happened.

On another note, I work at Starbucks now.

Consistency

One of the things that I desire and love about my friends is their consistency. This is a big deal for me and I think that it should be for everyone but I'm not sure if I think of consistency in the same way as everyone else. What I mean is that my closest friends have a consistent personality. Yeah, the bail or flake on me sometimes but they are consistently the same person and I love them for that. It's hard to say that someone is consistently the same person because none of us truly know someone for who they are but I can say that my friends consistently manifest themselves in the same way. It's these consistent manifestations that I love. This is hard to explain. I'm not looking for things from my good friends. Our relationship isn't based on what they do for me or anything like that, it's based on how effectively they love me by the own ability to love. It's one of the things that helps me to deal with disappointment. Regardless of how I'm disappointed by occasional expectations, which are typically a result of my own selfishness, I can always be reassured by their consistent way of loving me amidst me own encroaching and offensive stupidity.

Final

As I assumed, this blog did not last but I've returned to try and resurrect it once more. The school semester is coming to a close and I'm beginning to make that awkward transition from school to work. I know that I don't do well with change and I'm going to be making this transition very slowly. I'm not graduating from school in four years like I had planned but I will be graduating from the honors society that dominates most of my time. Next semester I will only be taking 12 units of general education and then I will finally graduate. I'm starting to work full time at Starbucks for the summer. Yes, I sold out. Hard. To be truthful, it does not bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. I'd like to actually have some money and not have to worry about where cash is going to come from. It would take a lot of my plate, as if I already had so much going on in my life.

Big things I'm watching out for? I've been told that I have a tendency to overwork at things. This doesn't bother me to much when it comes to writing or to school work but the implications of these tendencies on my overall life and soul do a little more then disturb me. Thus, I will be trying my hand at working full time and continuing to be a person and not a slave to a corporation. I don't know how well that will go. I tend to fancy slavery.